Baby Rogues
by Moonphase
Summary: A series of drabbles about each of the Rogues, starting from nursery up to sixteen. Not to be taken seriously.
1. Joker

"Here, take him!" The owner of the 'Little Tykes' nursery threw the giggling and filthy, blond-haired toddler into the arms of his mother. "Do not bring him back!" He cried.

"But why not?" wept the mother.

"Your boy has bitten the ear off one child, destroyed the sandpit, flooded the toilets and beat a little girl with her own potty!" The owner took a deep breath, "your child is a psychopath woman! You need to get him checked." With those parting words he slammed the nursery doors in her face.

Walking away the mother cooed to her baby, "you're not a psychopath, you're just a little Joker."

The baby cooed back in agreement.

* * *

**Next: Waylon Jones**


	2. Killer Croc

"Alright class," the third grade teacher grinned, "this is our new student, Waylon. Be nice to him and show him all around school."

An ugly boy with terrible skin stood awkwardly next to the teacher. His eyes remained fixed on the ground. The class stared at him; almost all of the children had expression of shock or disgust on their faces.

"Ew, you're gross!" A lump of mud slapped Waylon across the face. It was playtime and all the children had circled around the monstrosity.

Slowly, Waylon Jones raised his eyes and glared at them. Then within a split second he grabbed the perpetrator of the mud flinging and threw the child across the playground.

He landed with a painful thump.

The circle of children gasped and backed away from the scary boy.

"Anyone else got anything to say?" queried Waylon to an answer of silence. "Good. From now on you all owe me your lunch money every day and you are all to call me Killer Croc. Get it? Well that's alright then."

* * *

**AN- I apologise for my drabbles being over 100 words. I'm trying to get them shorter.**

**To 'Joker's deck of cards', I don't think you're an 'anally retentive jerk'; as a reviewer it's your role to call out BS where you see it and I fully respect that. I do however think you are something of a coward for not signing in, therefore I am forced to respond to your criticisms here rather than a private message.**

**I would have thought it obvious that the first chapter (or, indeed, any of these drabbles) is not to be taken too seriously or are suposed to be accurate representations of actual psychological disorders. You can rest assured that I do not actually believe there are psychotic toddlers roaming loose on the streets. **

**These are a series drabbles based on comic book characters and the title is 'baby rogues'- surely this was obvious enough a tongue in cheek exercise? I apologise if this wasn't clear but I did not want to lable the genre 'parody'; as it isn't exactly parody and I didn't want to put an AN or warning saying 'NOT REAL' or 'PARODY' etc above each chapter as I felt this would be patronising to the reader.**

* * *

**Next: Jonathan Crane**


	3. Scarecrow

Marcia Crane arrived home weary and drained from another long shift at work. Being a single parent was no easy task.

Inside her apartment she looked around for her son. She had left him alone all day, she didn't have any choice! Childcare costs were through the roof, besides little Johnny was both careful and quiet.

Suddenly the blood drained from her face as she looked around the living room. Splashes of blood were on the chairs, the carpets, the walls.

Desperately she followed the trail of blood into Johnny's room.

She almost fainted when she saw her eight year old safe and sound.

Her relief dissipated when she saw that he was cutting up the neighbour's cat.

He turned to face her and grinned before holding up the dead cat, "Look mommy, for you."

And when she screamed in terror, he burst out laughing.


	4. Mad Hatter

"Hello Miss Dodgson."

The librarian raised her eyes to see a little homely blond boy grinning up at her. She smiled back at him; Little Jervis Tetch was an adorable, if tragic, child who came to her every afternoon to escape the school bullies. Oddly, he only ever read one book...

As he did every day, Tetch put a red apple on her desk. "I hope you don't mind me saying," he continued in his plumy accent, "but I notice you are not wearing your engagement ring today."

Her eyes welled with tears. "I'm afraid things didn't work out between us," she choked.

Jervis grinned toothily, "oh I _am_ glad. I'm quite in love with you Miss Dodgson and had you married him, I would have had to have killed you." Smiling shyly as if he had said something positively adorable, Jervis went away with his book to read, leaving the librarian in a state of shock.


	5. Poison Ivy

Dark red hair, full lips and a body just beginning to bloom into adulthood; Pamela was fourteen years old and already most boys were madly in love with her.

Charles was no exception. It took him a long time, but he finally picked up the courage to ask her out. After receiving advice from his father, he collected up a dozen red roses and a box of chocolates.

"Hey Pam," he stammered one sunny Saturday afternoon, "do you think-?"

Before he could say anything more, beautiful Pammy beat him to the ground and kicked him in the nuts and head.

Gathering up the flowers she cooed, "poor baby's..."

She left Charles weeping and sore on the hard ground.


	6. I'm Batman

Young Bruce sat in his parent's bedroom with his mother; father was in his office arguing loudly down the phone, probably with someone who worked for him, as Bruce's father often had to yell at –what his parent's called- the 'chicken heads' and 'fools' Wayne Enterprises were forced to collaborate with.

They were all preparing to go out to watch a movie. Mother standing in front of a full length mirror, had just finished doing her hair, but now she pulled over a spare pair of black knickers of her tights.

"Erm, mom?" Bruce asked, "why are you wearing knickers over your tights like that?"

She smiled, "it's to keep the tights up; sometimes the tights slip down slightly when I'm walking."

"Oh...I see..."

Years later, standing in the same bedroom, Batman stared at himself in the mirror. He looked at the tight black pants over his grey tights.

His mother had taught him well.


	7. Baby Doll

**A.N. This one isn't funny. Not all of these drabbles will be.**

"Mommy one day I'll be beautiful, right?"

"You already are," Leanne Dhal smiled down at her beautiful blonde angel.

"And one day I'll be rich, right mommy?" The baby girl continued precociously, bouncing with excitement her pigtails bouncing in time with her small plump body.

Leanne chuckled throatily. "Indeed you will, you'll be a star baby!"

"And one day, I'll be tall, right mommy?" There was a fraught silence. Baby Doll had been diagnosed early in her toddler years. At around seven or eight she would stop growing. She would be frozen in time, like a doll.

Leanne looked at her child steadily, willing herself not to cry. "No time for this now," she responded in a slipped tone, "time to go meet your agent, are you excited?"

Marion was not, however, easily distracted. "I will be tall won't I mommy?" she pushed, "and I'll look like you right?"

"Right, mommy? Answer mommy. I'll be tall and beautiful? Right...right?"


	8. Two Face

**A.N.- Again, don't take this seriously guys. Not claiming this is canon or anything, just being silly.**

* * *

Patricia and Harvey walked along the quiet and sober promenade hand in hand. They were sweet sixteen and in crush with one another.

She pointed to a Grabbing machine up ahead. "Oh look, with all the cuddly toys inside! Please get me one Harvey."

"Of course," ever the gentleman, he immediately went over and began to play the game.

Over and over the grabber dropped the teddy bear she wanted. The laughter between them stopped and was replaced by a quiet tension.

"God damn it!" He cursed, sweat on his brow and teeth clenched, "_work,_ damn you, WORK!"

"Erm, Harv, it doesn't matter," Patricia was getting worried after fifteen minutes of her boyfriend muttering damnations and looking increasingly like a lunatic. "Seriously, Harv please stop..." she insisted when he ignored her. She put her hand on his arm but he threw it off himself, causing her to fall back and the grabber to lose control and drop the teddy once again.

"FUCKING HELL!" he bellowed enraged at the sight of the grabber swinging obnoxiously, its grip lose and the teddy once left on the pile of toys. Patricia remained unnoticed and tearful on the ground.

"DON'T MOCK ME!" He generously warned the grabber before punching through the reinforced glass glass and grabbing the toy himself.

Patricia screamed and ran away, determined to never see Harvey again.

"Patricia?" Harvey called, his voice now back to normal, staring at her retreating figure in confusion "what's wrong? Paricia?"

He looked at the wrecked Grabbing Machine.

"My God!" He cried in righteous disgust, "who has done this!"


End file.
